I really love my life, personally, right now.
:]
Monday, October 3, 2011
"Radney's gonna lose it"
But he has a therapist appointment tomorrow he's really stoked about.
Says he's all fucked up.
He's married to my mom.
:[
Eh, worrying about your parents is tough.
At least my dad's doing swell! And my brother and sister.
Says he's all fucked up.
He's married to my mom.
:[
Eh, worrying about your parents is tough.
At least my dad's doing swell! And my brother and sister.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Man, it sucks not having money.
I need to stop looking at clothes online.
I feel like a weiner because I want to complain about how much time my family takes from me- while they expect me to be financially independent. I think I'm realizing that nice things they do for me also kind of hold me back, even when that's not the intention. My mom employed me filing for her, and that job ended on the fourth. I found another job just to have to quit because my brother's coming up for a week and then my aunt wants me and Lizzy to come to England for 2 weeks, 3 days. I know I am very lucky, but it's also agitating because I've only made 70 dollars this summer that wasn't because of my parents (my two training shifts at american eagle before I quit). Next summer, I need to just get a job full time that doesn't involve my parents- looking in Moncton from the beginning- which makes that task more possible I hope. The only way I'm getting money is doing gardening and such for my parents- but it's really a pain in the butt- for example, It cost me 70 dollars round trip to get to my dad's and back when I earned 200 working for him. That really cuts into things.. I think I'm supposed to pay for myself in England and I know I can't. I hate being dependent on my parents, but right now I feel like I have no other choice. I know I'm very lucky though. I guess everything has pros and cons. I have enjoyed seeing my family as much as I have this summer.
I've had the most predictable summer yet though, and it was as great as I thought it would be.
Sometimes I feel like I'm learning stuff.
I need to stop looking at clothes online.
I feel like a weiner because I want to complain about how much time my family takes from me- while they expect me to be financially independent. I think I'm realizing that nice things they do for me also kind of hold me back, even when that's not the intention. My mom employed me filing for her, and that job ended on the fourth. I found another job just to have to quit because my brother's coming up for a week and then my aunt wants me and Lizzy to come to England for 2 weeks, 3 days. I know I am very lucky, but it's also agitating because I've only made 70 dollars this summer that wasn't because of my parents (my two training shifts at american eagle before I quit). Next summer, I need to just get a job full time that doesn't involve my parents- looking in Moncton from the beginning- which makes that task more possible I hope. The only way I'm getting money is doing gardening and such for my parents- but it's really a pain in the butt- for example, It cost me 70 dollars round trip to get to my dad's and back when I earned 200 working for him. That really cuts into things.. I think I'm supposed to pay for myself in England and I know I can't. I hate being dependent on my parents, but right now I feel like I have no other choice. I know I'm very lucky though. I guess everything has pros and cons. I have enjoyed seeing my family as much as I have this summer.
I've had the most predictable summer yet though, and it was as great as I thought it would be.
Sometimes I feel like I'm learning stuff.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
hi
I have concluded that I am occasionally a crazy person, but that I should just keep shit in check and all that. Never getting too comfy with the assumption that I make total sense- it's not like... shameful, just human or something. That's okay! I will work to be sensible.
I feel happy with the sense I've gained in comparison to how I used to be, and I know I have a lot more sense to gain. It'd be cool to be a sensible dignified fun lady one day with a garden full of wild roses and hypoallergenic kitties and poodles that get along, and I will listen to rap and things and oil paint outside. <3
I am listening to Busta Rhymes!
I feel like juggalofest might be something I'd do with my sister some day. It might be real scary tho. On the bright side, no juggalos can have pitbulls or anything cause pets aren't allowed. Crahhhhhhh
Crahhhh!
Fritzy is so cute. I called him my little cookie crumble today. It's hard not to get mushy when looking into the little fluffy guy's eyes. :D
I am not at work today because apparently all the desks are taken.
I am rambling. What type of dignified old person would you like to be one day?
I feel happy with the sense I've gained in comparison to how I used to be, and I know I have a lot more sense to gain. It'd be cool to be a sensible dignified fun lady one day with a garden full of wild roses and hypoallergenic kitties and poodles that get along, and I will listen to rap and things and oil paint outside. <3
I am listening to Busta Rhymes!
I feel like juggalofest might be something I'd do with my sister some day. It might be real scary tho. On the bright side, no juggalos can have pitbulls or anything cause pets aren't allowed. Crahhhhhhh
Crahhhh!
Fritzy is so cute. I called him my little cookie crumble today. It's hard not to get mushy when looking into the little fluffy guy's eyes. :D
I am not at work today because apparently all the desks are taken.
I am rambling. What type of dignified old person would you like to be one day?
Monday, June 13, 2011
So, I decided to read an old diary to have a laugh, and I just felt sympathy instead. Whoa, I was heavier than I ever am now! My middle school diary was extra bizarre because I had an eating disorder budding and tried to sound cutesy like cosmogirl magazine type of vibe. Every morning had a sunshine symbol, and I'd just say crazy shit underneath. I definitely ripped it up. The practice of keeping a diary is so strange, well I guess... the way it evolves with age is strange. Initially in my Lisa Frank diary when I was a kid, I talked about my life and stuff I did on the surface. It got a little moodier, complaining about my parents occasionally and then bam!Psycho middle school diary. My high school diary is the most interesting because I can see myself getting more articulate and sensible. I keep a diary these days, but it's more spontaneous.
It's always hard with assigned sketchbooks with fine arts to keep my personal life out of them- it is my art and the like. They end up full of black marker blots and such when it's time to turn them in.
Identity and home seem to have been the biggest reasons I freaked out in all my old diaries. I feel more settled in that stuff now. It's interesting. I feel like the change just from 19 to 20 was big- maybe just because I decided it was big as is dictated by our technical definition of being a teenager from 13-19 and such.
Betty called me calm or something like that today, that was pretty cool. Felt like a champ. I know I'm not always composed though. The biggest reason I seem to spaz out is feeling like stuff is my fault. It is a new idea I'm entertaining that I can just drop it when I feel like things are my fault. I used to not be settled until I felt like I had fixed everything. The problem with putting so much more responsibility on myself than I need to to make things right and such is that I can develop resentment against people and avoid them because I get forced into favors. I'm working at saying no when I don't want to take people places or do them favors or whatever. It's nice. I like feeling like I don't always have to be the nicest person. The nicest people aren't always the happiest or healthiest. Not that being an ass is enlightening and grand or anything, but... I don't know. I'm realizing that there are many good times and places to be "selfish"- a word I was always terrified of being.
It's always hard with assigned sketchbooks with fine arts to keep my personal life out of them- it is my art and the like. They end up full of black marker blots and such when it's time to turn them in.
Identity and home seem to have been the biggest reasons I freaked out in all my old diaries. I feel more settled in that stuff now. It's interesting. I feel like the change just from 19 to 20 was big- maybe just because I decided it was big as is dictated by our technical definition of being a teenager from 13-19 and such.
Betty called me calm or something like that today, that was pretty cool. Felt like a champ. I know I'm not always composed though. The biggest reason I seem to spaz out is feeling like stuff is my fault. It is a new idea I'm entertaining that I can just drop it when I feel like things are my fault. I used to not be settled until I felt like I had fixed everything. The problem with putting so much more responsibility on myself than I need to to make things right and such is that I can develop resentment against people and avoid them because I get forced into favors. I'm working at saying no when I don't want to take people places or do them favors or whatever. It's nice. I like feeling like I don't always have to be the nicest person. The nicest people aren't always the happiest or healthiest. Not that being an ass is enlightening and grand or anything, but... I don't know. I'm realizing that there are many good times and places to be "selfish"- a word I was always terrified of being.
Monday, June 6, 2011
okay guyz
This is a happier layout than my last one to signify that I am like, happier or something. I got this. Let's go.
Things I am enjoying cooking right now INCLUDE:
- my dad's layered salad. It goes: thin sliced tomato, mozzarella, green olives, parsley, thin sliced tomato... etc etc etc. Then topped with some olive oil and pepper.
- Chicken noodle soup. I had no idea it was so comforting! Boiling some chicken remnants, taking out the chicken remnants, putting in a broillion cube, breaking spaghetti into little bits, parsley, celery, I am a champ. Eat that shit in a mug! :]
- raspberry tarts. In which small tart shells are purchased from the frozen section and baked. chocolate chips, cream, and a little salt are mixed in a pot that has been placed on top of another pot full of boiling water. Chocolate mixture is dolloped into shells, raspberries are inserted in chocolate goo.
- Elvis presley sandwiches.
yeh.
I would like to make a soup that would have boiled potatoes, baked squishy garlic, boiled leeks, cheese, etc etc. My dad calls it doctor soup. It's insane. Then the whole thing is blended. I don't want to do this with my tiny food processor so I'm waiting until I have a hand held blender thing.
In the words of Steve Albini:
"How did people make soup before stick blenders? They are the absolute stone cold nuts. You can fuck up a soup real bad and a stick blender will totally make it presentable. Having a stick blender is like a cheat code for Call Of Duty: Soup."
Here's my dad's recipe that is AMAZING if you want to try it and tell me how it goes :]
"1. make chicken stock or a celery-based vegetable stock
2. heat oven to 350 and cut across the tops of 3 bulbs of garlic, 1/4 inch into the bulb creating a flat top and exposing some cloves. dab tops of bulbs w olive oil, wrap them in foil (or put in small oven proof bowl w a lid). Put garlic in preheated oven for 1 hour.
3. Get a bunch of leeks....3 or 4...cut off roots, cut lengthwise quartering the leeks, and wash leeks well getting all the grit out. Get rid of the darkest green of the leaves, then put on board and slice up leeks finely.
4. Heat 1/3 cup olive oil in large pot and add leeks. Cook over medium heat 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.
5. peel and cube 3 lbs of potatoes (make 1" cubes). Add potatoes to leeks with 6 cups chicken (or vegetable stock , see above). Add salt (go carefully here, you can ruin the whole dish in one go) and black pepper...taste as you go.
6. Bring to boil and simmer 20 minutes Or until potatoes tender.
7. RECIPE says: "Squeeze soft garlic into container of a blender, discarding the papery skins. Add 3 cups of the leek mixture (ie. the simmering soup) and blend till smooth. Add back to pan then use a potato masher or mixer to smooth out the soup a little, leaving some chunks in the soup (as desired). Add milk (2 cups) and bring to boil. Remove from heat and add 1 cup sharp cheddar (grated), if desired."
you could top it w chopped chives...have some crunchy bread"
Hm. Happiness comes a lot from cooking I guess
Other shit that makes me happy:
- Not being afraid of peace and quiet
- Having money for food
- Having my room all decorated finally
- Wearing shorts
- Having an awesome roommate!
- Drinking tea and milk. :3
- Naps
- My window overlooking a picturesque lot for sale
- Enjoying reading books! Right now I am reading "The Cloud Atlas". It's a compilation of short-ish stories that weave into one another even though they are different times, places, people. Very sci-fi, but still on this earth. Is that fantasy? I don't know. I feel so absorbed when I read it. There's something about reading, it feels a little like you're pressing reset on your brain.
- Jamie :] <3
- This is dumb, but I think I have completed my collection of clothing. o_o
Except for these:
http://needsupply.com/womens/bottoms/tribal-shorts.html (in red)
these:
http://needsupply.com/womens/shoes/rush.html
and these:
http://needsupply.com/womens/accessories/swimwear/oksana-swim-suit.html
Then I will be done. I swear (haha.).
But no, seriously, I'm suddenly realizing that my life couldn't get better just because I was dressed like a super modern saucy wench. It's not like suddenly I'd be in constant ecstasy because I made other ladies jealous. And it's funny too, because I feel like I couldn't find myself any more beautiful than I do. Sorry to be conceited- maybe it's just that I'm realizing most women seem to print mental problems onto their body as their body's fault- but I'm kind of just... friends with my external face now. Christ. heh.
ON A SEPARATE NOTE
I want to get crunk with people and have spastic dance parties some time. I don't know. I am usually more of a homebody. This would be a fun way to punctuate summer.
Bye!
Things I am enjoying cooking right now INCLUDE:
- my dad's layered salad. It goes: thin sliced tomato, mozzarella, green olives, parsley, thin sliced tomato... etc etc etc. Then topped with some olive oil and pepper.
- Chicken noodle soup. I had no idea it was so comforting! Boiling some chicken remnants, taking out the chicken remnants, putting in a broillion cube, breaking spaghetti into little bits, parsley, celery, I am a champ. Eat that shit in a mug! :]
- raspberry tarts. In which small tart shells are purchased from the frozen section and baked. chocolate chips, cream, and a little salt are mixed in a pot that has been placed on top of another pot full of boiling water. Chocolate mixture is dolloped into shells, raspberries are inserted in chocolate goo.
- Elvis presley sandwiches.
yeh.
I would like to make a soup that would have boiled potatoes, baked squishy garlic, boiled leeks, cheese, etc etc. My dad calls it doctor soup. It's insane. Then the whole thing is blended. I don't want to do this with my tiny food processor so I'm waiting until I have a hand held blender thing.
In the words of Steve Albini:
"How did people make soup before stick blenders? They are the absolute stone cold nuts. You can fuck up a soup real bad and a stick blender will totally make it presentable. Having a stick blender is like a cheat code for Call Of Duty: Soup."
Here's my dad's recipe that is AMAZING if you want to try it and tell me how it goes :]
"1. make chicken stock or a celery-based vegetable stock
2. heat oven to 350 and cut across the tops of 3 bulbs of garlic, 1/4 inch into the bulb creating a flat top and exposing some cloves. dab tops of bulbs w olive oil, wrap them in foil (or put in small oven proof bowl w a lid). Put garlic in preheated oven for 1 hour.
3. Get a bunch of leeks....3 or 4...cut off roots, cut lengthwise quartering the leeks, and wash leeks well getting all the grit out. Get rid of the darkest green of the leaves, then put on board and slice up leeks finely.
4. Heat 1/3 cup olive oil in large pot and add leeks. Cook over medium heat 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.
5. peel and cube 3 lbs of potatoes (make 1" cubes). Add potatoes to leeks with 6 cups chicken (or vegetable stock , see above). Add salt (go carefully here, you can ruin the whole dish in one go) and black pepper...taste as you go.
6. Bring to boil and simmer 20 minutes Or until potatoes tender.
7. RECIPE says: "Squeeze soft garlic into container of a blender, discarding the papery skins. Add 3 cups of the leek mixture (ie. the simmering soup) and blend till smooth. Add back to pan then use a potato masher or mixer to smooth out the soup a little, leaving some chunks in the soup (as desired). Add milk (2 cups) and bring to boil. Remove from heat and add 1 cup sharp cheddar (grated), if desired."
you could top it w chopped chives...have some crunchy bread"
Hm. Happiness comes a lot from cooking I guess
Other shit that makes me happy:
- Not being afraid of peace and quiet
- Having money for food
- Having my room all decorated finally
- Wearing shorts
- Having an awesome roommate!
- Drinking tea and milk. :3
- Naps
- My window overlooking a picturesque lot for sale
- Enjoying reading books! Right now I am reading "The Cloud Atlas". It's a compilation of short-ish stories that weave into one another even though they are different times, places, people. Very sci-fi, but still on this earth. Is that fantasy? I don't know. I feel so absorbed when I read it. There's something about reading, it feels a little like you're pressing reset on your brain.
- Jamie :] <3
- This is dumb, but I think I have completed my collection of clothing. o_o
Except for these:
http://needsupply.com/womens/bottoms/tribal-shorts.html (in red)
these:
http://needsupply.com/womens/shoes/rush.html
and these:
http://needsupply.com/womens/accessories/swimwear/oksana-swim-suit.html
Then I will be done. I swear (haha.).
But no, seriously, I'm suddenly realizing that my life couldn't get better just because I was dressed like a super modern saucy wench. It's not like suddenly I'd be in constant ecstasy because I made other ladies jealous. And it's funny too, because I feel like I couldn't find myself any more beautiful than I do. Sorry to be conceited- maybe it's just that I'm realizing most women seem to print mental problems onto their body as their body's fault- but I'm kind of just... friends with my external face now. Christ. heh.
ON A SEPARATE NOTE
I want to get crunk with people and have spastic dance parties some time. I don't know. I am usually more of a homebody. This would be a fun way to punctuate summer.
Bye!
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