Words don't work as well as they used to. I don't think that there are as many useful things I can contribute to a situation by talking as I used to. Talking is fun I guess... sometimes it works. Sometimes when I talk it feels like I'm filling up a clean space with something that stains. I musta just talked myself raw. I'm still chatty as eff, it's just... I'm realizing sometimes there's nothing you can say that will fit what you think.
uhhhh
nutella!
I have a blackhead on my lip??? ;-;
I can make latte's!
I want to hike and do exercise!
I'm happy!
I'm feeling like I'm making sense of things
Today I ran to the bathroom and I did the most efficient bolt without really paying attention and realized I knew the contours of my house perfectly and that it felt like home. More than either of my parents homes do. It feels like home the way houses used to feel. I'm going to miss this house! I love the kitchen and the tea cabinet in my room.
Mew
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2010 summed
- started actually getting into dancing, not being shy and uncomfortable about jovial thingies
- freaked out i couldn't go to bellingham
- job at tims, first job ever, first time totally supporting self in sackville over summer
- living with someone I was in a relationship with for the first time ever- realizing what a glue that makes
- depression
- 3 months of obsession and embarrassment and sad frustrating confusion
- working on being less of a bleeding heart/ dramatic type. Working on making do with what is given and being happy for it and trying to have the best perspective possible
- considering that being single isn't just a period between relationships and that i should only really rely on myself and shouldn't assume i'd live with someone for the rest of my life or that that would always be the best choice
- trying to be more strong than i got taught
- feeling like a traveler still
- strange increase in confidence and bravery
- got the balls to switch to fine arts from sciences
- "you can't sit around waiting to be wounded"
- so for now, i feel a little like i dislike sitting around. caught up in school work.
- pretty good grades!
- shifted from seeing myself as a lost child to more of an older mentor type for myself, which is very good
- sometimes i think i make myself be too tough, but it's better than the alternative
- lost a lot of fear
- need to avoid cynicism, fatalism, bitterness
- still feel more isolated than i should
- perspective is key
- and doing work
yup.
- started actually getting into dancing, not being shy and uncomfortable about jovial thingies
- freaked out i couldn't go to bellingham
- job at tims, first job ever, first time totally supporting self in sackville over summer
- living with someone I was in a relationship with for the first time ever- realizing what a glue that makes
- depression
- 3 months of obsession and embarrassment and sad frustrating confusion
- working on being less of a bleeding heart/ dramatic type. Working on making do with what is given and being happy for it and trying to have the best perspective possible
- considering that being single isn't just a period between relationships and that i should only really rely on myself and shouldn't assume i'd live with someone for the rest of my life or that that would always be the best choice
- trying to be more strong than i got taught
- feeling like a traveler still
- strange increase in confidence and bravery
- got the balls to switch to fine arts from sciences
- "you can't sit around waiting to be wounded"
- so for now, i feel a little like i dislike sitting around. caught up in school work.
- pretty good grades!
- shifted from seeing myself as a lost child to more of an older mentor type for myself, which is very good
- sometimes i think i make myself be too tough, but it's better than the alternative
- lost a lot of fear
- need to avoid cynicism, fatalism, bitterness
- still feel more isolated than i should
- perspective is key
- and doing work
yup.
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