sally hill is taking one day at a time
i would say i did very well today.
it's amazing to me how once i let someone in.. that intimacy stays. even with friendships. Skypes with bellingfriends are so warm and trusting. Sometimes I think it is a weakness how loyal my trust can be? but actually... i think i like that. i mean. i get so scared of being abandoned and having people break my trust/ turn out to be using me. but my trust is also a strength. i gain ties to places through it.
rrrramble
i made a spaghetti muffin cheese twirl.
i boiled spaghetti
i put it in a bowl with a shit ton of cheddar cheese (grated) and stilton and paprika and garlic powder and spinach and seared chicken chunks and pepper and cumin...
Then i heated the oven to 425 after putting my rack in the middle of the oven. then i baked my muffins for fifteen minutes. highly recommend, with lots o cheese and spinach. homnyom.
I really do have friends I can reach out to.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
writing letters i don't mean to send
drinking kahlua and cream and coffee
smoking cigarettes. whai i do it.?
I like my photograms.
Making to do lists.
Listening to music that is safe, that I already love.
Tired often.
Suppressing urges to be cuddly a lot with friends.
I like how physical writing on a typewriter is.
My voice sounds so ugly when I scream.
I don't know if the roommates are comfortable around me now.
Focus. Focus on work. Focus on art, focus on friends. Focus on cooking, focus on making a home in myself. I've become less self conscious, it's like I just can't be damned to expend extra energy, or maybe because I'm a second year..?
lingerie gauze looks so good on photograms.
india ink and brush
i like... art. c:
Connect, Sally Hill. You is doing well.
Spend more time doing creative things if you have to waste time on the internet.
Sweaters soon
The leaves aren't falling off yet. I don't remember it being Fall for long here. The leaves get crushed in and snowed over, yes?
I miss the West coast physically.
I feel good here though.
Everywhere I go feels a little lonely.
Because what I love is so spread out.
I have to connect anyhow.
I'm going to enjoy everything I do, stupid or not...
drinking kahlua and cream and coffee
smoking cigarettes. whai i do it.?
I like my photograms.
Making to do lists.
Listening to music that is safe, that I already love.
Tired often.
Suppressing urges to be cuddly a lot with friends.
I like how physical writing on a typewriter is.
My voice sounds so ugly when I scream.
I don't know if the roommates are comfortable around me now.
Focus. Focus on work. Focus on art, focus on friends. Focus on cooking, focus on making a home in myself. I've become less self conscious, it's like I just can't be damned to expend extra energy, or maybe because I'm a second year..?
lingerie gauze looks so good on photograms.
india ink and brush
i like... art. c:
Connect, Sally Hill. You is doing well.
Spend more time doing creative things if you have to waste time on the internet.
Sweaters soon
The leaves aren't falling off yet. I don't remember it being Fall for long here. The leaves get crushed in and snowed over, yes?
I miss the West coast physically.
I feel good here though.
Everywhere I go feels a little lonely.
Because what I love is so spread out.
I have to connect anyhow.
I'm going to enjoy everything I do, stupid or not...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
just add water freeze dried smores
They don't taste like smores.
My mom came today in my tiny time slot between elements and my final. She brought a whole effing basket of freeze dried camping food in case i was about to starve to death, including tiny freeze dried backpacker deserts. These are my brother's leftovers from hiking the appalachian mountains. That's something I'd love to do. If I was to do it at the age he did it at, I'd hike the mountains next summer. Except I don't think I'd have any friends who'd be down for that and would follow through. Why does my brother have really adventurous friends? He went to LA with them on a road trip too around my age... they went to see Rage Against the Machine play that special rare show thing. With these smores, I put water over powdery brown powder covered pellets, then some graham cracker dust. Then it sat for 10 minutes. Weird pudding. I feel like I'm made out of weird pudding too, guys. Cause my mom also brought a shit ton of my dad's antiques. Too many for my room. Going to give lots of them to dad, maybe keep one or two things if he lets me. My mom's trying to avoid him getting his antiques because his step girlfriend might be entitled to them. I feel weird. I have my old house crammed in this room, sort of. My sister's looks super antiquey too.
I think I did pretty bad on my final. I felt pretty weird. I have another tomorrow in anthro. I missed some acoustic music. I don't feel like I'm anybody's rock right now. And I don't really feel like anybody's mine. Maybe this happens when I am too crumbly to be a rock and too crushing to have one. It kind of isn't very nice. I don't think people in this town tend to spill their hearts out as much as I sometimes want to spill. But I don't have many problems. I was an asshole to my mom because I had an hour to eat and move all my dad's shit into my room, etc. No excuse really...
I wish I was in second year. This feels so weird. I should be in second year. Except I was a wimp last year about mai dreams.
I have an exciting book to read called biomega. It has talking bears in spacesuits with hook hands and post apocalypic things. But first I have so much homework.
I was also reading Travels with Charley last weekend. It was pretty rad. I'd love to finish it.
I'm gonna miss summer, I didn't always treat it right.
I should have been drunk more.
I shouldn't have done school
I should have travelled more
I think maybe I travel too much
but I really like doing it
probably because it's all I did during the summer until recently.
This summer was the longest I stayed in one place: Sackville for two months.
It was nice too
I'm just wary of taking things too easy
I feel like I could somehow float in little bits away without the compression of a busy life
Jamie says I should only plan until around 23
That sounds good
Life in dorms means I have to seek people out more
Thas okay. I bet it'll be okay
I think something about me kills romance
that's weird
sometimes i feel so fluffy and romantic
i wish i was a cat maybe
except i like having hands
so i can draw
and yerk off
and eat freeze dried smores
My mom came today in my tiny time slot between elements and my final. She brought a whole effing basket of freeze dried camping food in case i was about to starve to death, including tiny freeze dried backpacker deserts. These are my brother's leftovers from hiking the appalachian mountains. That's something I'd love to do. If I was to do it at the age he did it at, I'd hike the mountains next summer. Except I don't think I'd have any friends who'd be down for that and would follow through. Why does my brother have really adventurous friends? He went to LA with them on a road trip too around my age... they went to see Rage Against the Machine play that special rare show thing. With these smores, I put water over powdery brown powder covered pellets, then some graham cracker dust. Then it sat for 10 minutes. Weird pudding. I feel like I'm made out of weird pudding too, guys. Cause my mom also brought a shit ton of my dad's antiques. Too many for my room. Going to give lots of them to dad, maybe keep one or two things if he lets me. My mom's trying to avoid him getting his antiques because his step girlfriend might be entitled to them. I feel weird. I have my old house crammed in this room, sort of. My sister's looks super antiquey too.
I think I did pretty bad on my final. I felt pretty weird. I have another tomorrow in anthro. I missed some acoustic music. I don't feel like I'm anybody's rock right now. And I don't really feel like anybody's mine. Maybe this happens when I am too crumbly to be a rock and too crushing to have one. It kind of isn't very nice. I don't think people in this town tend to spill their hearts out as much as I sometimes want to spill. But I don't have many problems. I was an asshole to my mom because I had an hour to eat and move all my dad's shit into my room, etc. No excuse really...
I wish I was in second year. This feels so weird. I should be in second year. Except I was a wimp last year about mai dreams.
I have an exciting book to read called biomega. It has talking bears in spacesuits with hook hands and post apocalypic things. But first I have so much homework.
I was also reading Travels with Charley last weekend. It was pretty rad. I'd love to finish it.
I'm gonna miss summer, I didn't always treat it right.
I should have been drunk more.
I shouldn't have done school
I should have travelled more
I think maybe I travel too much
but I really like doing it
probably because it's all I did during the summer until recently.
This summer was the longest I stayed in one place: Sackville for two months.
It was nice too
I'm just wary of taking things too easy
I feel like I could somehow float in little bits away without the compression of a busy life
Jamie says I should only plan until around 23
That sounds good
Life in dorms means I have to seek people out more
Thas okay. I bet it'll be okay
I think something about me kills romance
that's weird
sometimes i feel so fluffy and romantic
i wish i was a cat maybe
except i like having hands
so i can draw
and yerk off
and eat freeze dried smores
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