fffffffooooooo

Hi.
I have a secret.
I WAS A REALLY REALLY AWFUL MIDDLE SCHOOLER
I was so bad at it
I was sooo socially inept
I
eh!
It all began in 6th grade with the invention of peanut
a sock filled with beans that I wrote stories about and carried around in a homemade purse
even to gym class
I had a really overactive imagination still
and got all my friends playing with dolls again and living in makeshift box houses in my basement
nourishing people with camping pots filled with kool aid
at least I was sort of okay.
Oh and I liked to talk like a squirrel and have squirrel fights and such.
And I hung out with a 7 year old and I think she bullied me.
Anyhow
not too bad.
But when I got to 7th grade
I wore matte makeup
and the same outfit every day
and made out with a pillow for practice
and was hella christian I guess
but thought I was gay
and one time wanted to impress my friends and put out a copy of a book called The Gothic Flame on my bed or something like that
never read it
played neopets
Still not too bad
had friends
moved to Bellingham
awkward person
chastized by boys for wearing short shorts
they were all like You're disgustinnnn
and I was like you are lame/ booohooooooo
and one time I was so crafty I wrote every cool band I could think of on a piece of paper and asked a cute boy to trade lines with me for a play so he could see my page full of cool "accidental" doodles
plucked a girl's eyebrows and chastized her for having the eyebrow shape she had
i was just getting really anxious about dumb things
had shoes that were tan suede platform sneakers.
people called them the loaves of bread
or the brick shoes
got new shoes for picture day
etnieeeeeeez
and the lady was like
this coupon isn't valid for half off until tomorrow
and i was like I DON'T CARE I'LL NEVER HAVE FRIENDS OTHERWISE
and then realized it was a group picture
and you couldn't see my feet
not so bad
moved to kulshan
got real awkward
tried to impress boys wearing mini john deer shirts and matte makeup
was so nervous too
made up ridiculous lies to impress my only good friend
i was like
i used to do erotic square dancing in kentucky.
shit was nuts.
didn't know whose leg was yours and shit
aka not true
listened to yeah yeah yeahs and death cab for cutie and jack johnson and the killers on my own
but only ever listened to afroman, snoop dogg, led zeppelin and acdc at school so i'd impress people
always had the weirdest ideal moments planned
like that when i got a pottery wheel a cute boy would come to my house and i'd be in a loose button up work shirt and have a casual loose bun and other dumb shit.
got a pink ipod mini from my dad and was all emotional about it because i was fallin outta good contact with my dad
and went through all this dumb shit to get a blue one so my friend wouldn't get mad at me for copying her
and held it against her silently
so weird
stopped eating a lot
on the first day at kulshan i left a purse on a counter with 40 dollars in it when i went to the bathroom cause i was so trusting
made friends with some dude in the principal's office waiting
and then realized he was there cause he stole my purse
i didn't get all my money back or nothin.
one time my dad brought a homeless person home and my mom woke me up to tell me the dude would probably slit my throat and to lock my door and i was like
THANKS I CAN'T LOCK MY DOOR
and then i slept with her and my dad slept in my bed
and she kept me up telling me she saw the dude come upstairs and that he was probably schizophrenic
and then i was like why are you saying this shit if we were in danger it would be best to comfort me and she was like
why would i liiiie to you sally
and then i slept in the minivan.
and then i tried to tell popular kids on the bus like it was just a wacky ass story
and they were like that's seriously fucked all around
and i was like
>:C
I was really into the messy bun
in which i would tuck all my hair from a ponytail into the back over and over again
until the back of my head was like a dread when i tried to take it out
i had an aim screenname kentuckybabe91
and a friend from kentucky asked why i came out of the room they had me stand naked in during truth or dare
and i was like IM NOT GHEY
and then i sobbed dramatically and ripped apart photos of us
i was
so effing tense
one time a guy was walking like hitler during gym class
and i went up to him and was like
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH YOU ARE SO OFFENSIVE I COULD DIE. MY GRANDFATHER WAS JEWISH AND NOTHING IS OKAY AND I AM SO MAD AND YOU ARE SOOOO TERRIBLE
I actually had a crush on the kid
he ate lunch in the office cause he was so picked on
one time my brother picked me up from school playing rap music
and i felt really tense and was gawking at popular boys when i was getting driven by
and jimmy was like stop that
and i was like k jimmy.
and i learned a tiny social skill.
when i first got to the school i had a mudfight with three girls on the soccer field and didn't know that they fertilized with pig poop
it smelled aaaawful
and then later they were like
i got this thing at the salvation army
and i said, OMG, like, is that in the mall?
and they all went.
pehhhhh.
and we nevar spoke again.
this epic move happened where girls i got along with at this table
slowly moved to the popular table
monica first
then katie
so it was me, val who i considered my best friend and the other bfffffffffs were gone
and then val was like.
ehhhyeah
i got invited over.
and then i didn't get invited over
and it was me and 2 of the three people i found annoying
always liked janelle though.
so effin awk
at the dance at the end of the year i was like
GUYS I GOT RID OF MY BACNE
and they were like
YAY
and then they were like
you have chestne
and i was like ;-;
i watched cartoons still
and one time could not stop myself from quoting a really awful jimmy neutron parents moment where the lights go off and the dad says "ohhhohooo honey your hands are cold"
best thing to say in the dark at a sleepover.
best thing ever.
nottttt
and the others said
that's creepy.
i didn't know what to do so i said it again.
stuff got hella tense when val was like,
sally, people are saying you're weird
and i was like :O WHOOOO
and she was like
perry.
and i was like
who is she/ OH DEAR GOD
and then she was like
brandon says that too.
and i was like le soooooobs
and then she was like
it is okay
we will fix this
you can buy polos.
pffffrtfffrftfrrrtffft
i just took everything waaay seriously
that summer i started listening to my chemical romance and mouthing the lyrics dramatically in a mirror
i had a list of things to buy
it was
eyeliner
lacey tank top
curling iron
mcr cd
cd player
and that's the summer i went on the cali trip with my dad, sister, brother and the adultress and her family. but i had no clue
I got hella into hot hot heat
and got time alone in yellowstone national park by curling up in a bear food metal box listening to hot hot heat with headphones
i totally thought i was gonna romance it up with the other family's son nick
who i did not know was named after my dad, haha
anyhow
so i always was hanging out near him pooching my face weird
and he'd be like
you have a beard made out of sand
cause i was trying a tea tree oil acne treatment
and then i went to high school
and i was quite darn preppy
one day i had aeropostale jeans and a pink hollister hoodie and pink flip flops and a pink water bottle and i got some bitchy chick saying awww she's so pink
and my head exploded probably
val hung out with volleyball people
and i agonized hardcore and lurked
and lurked so hard i was literally walking parallel to val and her friends with parked cars between us staring at them
and val was like, ehhhehehh you can come over here.
isabelle's the first good friend i think i had where i was comfortable with her
she was like half as socially awkward as me so we clicked and i think grounded each other a little bit and stuff.
i would do very dramatic photoshops
with so much layering of graphics and cursive text and stuff.
i think that was the basic end of awkwardness.
still crushed on girls so hardcoar
but didn't worry about it.
so there is most of my awkward secrets
they're not that bad?
not really
they're just loaded with tension.
can't believe that was only five years ago.
i learned so much stuuuuuffffffffffff