moop

secret to not looking crazy
don't accessorize if you're wearing something risky for you

i guess
also don't feel like you need to justify being somewhere on your own by being occupied. that is pretty obvious though

sometimes i feel like i think the dumbest things
sometimes i think i'll never be happy since my head never shuts up
i've learned how to not agonize about past stuff far more than ever
like i only did a weird blog about 8th grade since i got over it finally
because i guess i've just learned more so how to not freak out
i still freak out too much
but it's more managable now
and it's mostly just stuff since last september
much more tolerable
i have strange memories sometimes
like when i picked up bri like a baby and she cried so much into my sweater that it was soaked
or when i cried so hard about leaving in a back room
or when i remorsed leaving the first night in canada in a hotel room when i realized i hadn't said goodbye to isabelle
and mom was just shit talkin at me
and i dunno
i was so confused about why i had chosen to move
and it was feeling so irreversible
and i was realizing how much i identified myself from my intense friendships with everyone in bellingham.
i saw a smart car in truro for sale
it gets 75 mpg
and it's 11000 bucks
i really want the thing
but i sure don't have that money.
it just sounds like a roadtrip machine though
i'm sure it's insanely cramped though
a 2 person car
i miss car trips
i miss those teenage getaways with great music
i miss having such close friends i could pile them all in a car and we'd all feel that amazing feeling
of being with the people you want to be with most in the moment
relishing your cigarettes
feeling the music totally
and just
the trip being the end in itself
i really don't feel like i've made that crazy connection with many people here
some are great friends
but it's not that weird thing
where you feel like you can do little wrong by them
like you're sharing a goddang soul
i haven't been here for long though
and i don't know if it's healthy to have friendships that strong
they also invoke so much
obligation and guilt and stress
such a poop
is what i am


1. My [last] ex is... someone i feel like i wronged

2. I should learn to... feel the worth of my own observations of cool things in life instead of always trying to share it and wasting time instead

3. I love... feeling the beauty of quiet things

4. People would say that I am... retarded.

5. I don't understand... how to manage my time well.

6. When I wake up in the morning... I already feel like I've spoiled the day's perfect plans.

7. I lost... many versions of myself and I think it'll be for the best right now.

8. Life is... anything you want.

9. My past taught me... to lighten up.

10. I get annoyed when... I feel like I can't escape myself.

11. Parties... are the best when they're with people who aren't just looking for escape but connections and new chances and new understandings and celebration and such.
I don't think I'm usually a party person.
Though sometimes I love dancing sooo much.

12. I wish... I could feel comfortable on my own again.

13. Dogs and cats... are strange inventions.

14. My childhood pets... are fondly and intensely cherished forever if they are poodles.

15. Tomorrow is... already fucked up by my lack of direction.

16. I have a low tolerance for... children and needy cats and guitar hero parties.

17. If I had a million dollars.. I'd hoard it and pretend I didn't have it. And relax more about school.

18. I'm terrified of... childbirth and how I'll write off right now later!

19. I've come to realize... I have some nuts mood swings.

20. I am listening to... Country on a radio station in the kitchen i guess.

21. I talk... too much.

22. My good friends... aren't always the easiest to see.

23. My first kiss... was filled with embarrassment and PDA

24. Love is... becoming half as functional.

25. Marriage is... something pretty to break down later.

26. Somewhere, someone is thinking... about anal.

27. I'll always be... jenny from the block.

28. The last time I really cried was... feeling sexually frustrated and hopeless.

29. My cell phone is... nice but sometimes a weakening factor for my character.

30. Before I go to bed... I ask myself if there's a pretty song I'd like to hear while I relax in bed./ if I'm awake enough for that. If I'm not awake enough for that I think, excellent, let's get to this sleeping business.

31. My middle name... is fucking.

32. Right now, I am thinking... about baby kittens.

33. Today I... harassed chris for 12 hours.

34. Tomorrow I will be... trying not to harass chris or get intimidated by anthro.

35. I really want to... make a good dent in anthro and not mess up my gpa anymore. Also I really want to depend on myself more because I'm disliking myself right now.

38. My relationship with my grandparents... is tense, they've been deteriorating for a while, one of them is deceased now. Sometimes they feel like cautionary tales since they never turned very wise with age.

39. My most treasured possession is... my music library.

40. My favorite pictures... are of the 2009 new years!

41. I sing... rarely since I'm usually in earshot and am self conscious. i sing half assedly a lot though.

42. If I were a crayon... I'd have had my paper torn off and i'd be the colour blue lizzy used to paint her walls and hopefully i'd be shading faces in an emotional manner

43. Someday I want to travel to... mexico.

44. I am wearing... a dress that i've half taken off since it has a minute waistline. and high heels. dumbassery @ its finest

45. My favorite class... always my studio class. <3 <3
always.
it's the reason i like university.
...
revelation.
well.
hm.
i should...
do less psych.

46. My favorite language is... mine. it works for me.

47. It hurts... when people order you to stop hurting about those defining hurts you don't know how to drop yet.

48. I'm going to miss... the trances i put myself in when i was younger.

49. My profile picture is... angst? or sexual fridge.

50. I need... direction.