"don't try to touch my heart, cause it's darker than you think. and don't try to read my mind, cause it's full of disappearing ink. "
teeheee

Hi
so my name is sally
and i am yelling into a black pixellated box.

i just watched survive style 5+ and it was SOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOD
and i realized
how much i try and string things together
and how you don't have to do that
for things to in a way make sense
and be sentimental
and very earnest
things are still touchable and magical if they don't follow a forced linear format
and so i started letting my mind wander
and we talked about a really poor village of quilt makers in the south with insane accents making the most gorgeous quilts and being suddenly worth millions
and maude lewis
and her husband
and how my dad used to call him a bad man from various things he'd heard
and how her husband died 10 years after her when someone broke into the house and there was a confrontation
and the rotting state of the house
and the beauty of it
and mike said something about everything being terrible but beautiful
and
ahhhhhh
i work to make things seem good or sensible a LOT
and things are naturally chaotic
and also naturally tie into one another in profound ways i couldn't make up
and it's not my job to try and order other's perspectives of the universe around in a way
and it's not my job to try and plan far ahead, because it will fail. or try and assume i know what a person will do next or what i'll ever see next
it's hard to lose control
the absence of anything from the past feels very intense to me
but i guess
with this devil may care way
nothing can truly go away either
even when you wish i right
it's just like
oh hey
everything's floating around, it'll interact and form overlying themes on it's own
no worries.
ahhhhhh
okay
thanks

i'll try not to

this is a huge ramble