look i am writing a post

look i am writing a post oh mah god.
i am at my mom's house and never in my life have i gotten along with my mom this well.
i have a strange combination in me of fun and peace and this really scary panic and feeling of being alone!
like. i make real colourful zines and then they're really personal but also kind of jokes. oh well.
the other day i drew bigfoot looking intense mad with 3 dicks for danielle. and it said love bigfoot in cursive or something. maybe, thinking of you. i love trying to make funny things because so often i feel real heavy.
i go to class in the morning and have this panic in me. it's like acid. and it twists and i feel numb and like i need to jolt up and run somewhere or something but there's nothing to be done. exercise time????? i get so scared of my own fear. it scares me more than much else around me. insanity used to be my fear, now it's my fear. i'm so scared i'll slip into panic attacks. not really for my sake, but just because of how it changes my relationships. which i guess is worrying for my sake regardless. a lot of the reason i ever freak out is because i feel like no one wants me to or will stand beside me. both of those reasons, of why i freak out and why i'm scared are self feeding and neurotic and creepeh.
painting feels
sooooooooooooo good
so does colouring
so does writing
so does chalk pastels
making messes
i just
love it
mmmmmmmmmmmmmyah
i hope i am not someone who needs to constantly go to counselors.
my stomach is driving me crazy.
i wish i didn't worry about my family and past and suchforth as much as i do.
my weird desire to always be better in some way than i am makes me freak out.
i have given up better sexuality
i am trying to be more secure
how dumb
i am excited for bare feet
i really need to know if i have a job
I AM SO SCARED!!!!!!!
i am meeting so many people. HOLY POO!
i focus on myself too much! why do i always feel like i have lil problems? pooooooooooooo again
i need to focus on the friends i have now so i can really connect
what i care about is
art
family
real connections

roots roots roots
how wonderful <3
i want me some roots
i'd like to root someone else

i feel like i use boys i'm with as family members

wish i could forget about family

i'm like. all caught up in identity i guess in general.

colourz are pretty

i wish there were cherry blossoms here

the smell of some boys makes me feel CRAZY DRUGGED